Poetry Page

Friday, February 15th, 2013

"I'm sorry that you're hurting."
The voices are repetitive,
They say it over and over again,
As if sympathy will fill
The chamber of darkness inside of me.
They do not know what to say,
But somewhere along the timeline of humanity
Silence was declared a horrid thing,
So they chatter uncontrollably,
With no sense of direction.
I have little immune system left,
Few heroes to fight the bad guys,
Sickness spreads faster than love,
Loneliness creeps up on me,
I can't fight that off either,
But that wasn't mentioned
In the list of all the warnings.

Friday, February 15th, 2013

As a little girl
I obsessed myself
With dreams of a blissful future,
Filled with adventure,
So that when I turn eighty
I'll have more experience
Than gray hairs.

Venice is sinking,
So am I.

Something always comes up,
Disaster comes crashing through,
There aren't enough hours in a day.
My bones are weak
I find temporary enchantments,
Hoping they can fill my life
With color.

Venice is sinking,
So am I.

I'd like to go to Italy,
Marvel at the ancient art,
Allow myself to soak in brilliant architecture,
Spend a year's pay on gelato,
Ride in a gondola,
Touch the walls of the Cathedral,
Widen my eyes in fascination.

Venice is sinking,
So am I.

Friday, February 15th, 2013

Hospital rooms have a certain song to them.
Doctors are musicians,
Deciphering the key their patient's bodies play in,
Using pills to make some notes sharp,
Some notes flat,
Until the key is perfect,
The pitch is spot-on,
Everything is in tune,
Cells working in harmony,
The staccato of instability replaced by legato.

My joints pulse painfully,
To an uncertain tempo,
With little rhythm,
A clash of melodies,
All eternally conflicting
Some stronger notes,
Drowning the weaker ones,
Smothering them with their power.
Every time I think I have come to the end,
I see another repeat sign and weep.

Friday, February 15th, 2013

Your eyes light up in the daytime,
As you tuck a secret life away,
Knowledge is power,
So you'll never let the world know.

You hide yourself in the night time,
For the candle in your eye flickers out,
But if you showed the world,
They'd judge you.

Or maybe, just maybe,
They'd take their own candle,
Light you back up,
Give you hope.

Friday, February 15th, 2013

I do not think I am capable,
Of holding in this inexpressible joy,
For one more long minute,
I can collapse in dewy grass,
On Monday mornings,
Filled with mind energy,
My body cannot rip away.
I can dance my fingers,
Across a piano with love,
Harmonize the chords.
I can make someone smile,
I can be the start of laughter,
I can give a hug,
I can bake cupcakes,
I can be a daughter,
I can be a sister,
I can be a friend,
But I cannot hold in,
This inexpressible joy.

Friday, February 15th, 2013

Stop trying,
All efforts are futile,
Life's hard enough,
With a broken body.

They shoot down,
Wild ideas,
Like pigeons in the air,
Falling dead.

They take blood,
But never return it,
I don't think my body,
Is replenishing itself.

Saturday, September 15th, 2012

I know when you're really laughing,
Your face scrunches up like a kitten's,
Your eyes soak in light,
Your soul glitters,
Wrinkles cut into your perfect skin.

I know when you're not really laughing,
You give a side smile,
Force one shoulder to shake a bit,
Your soul is the color gray,
Yet you think I can't tell.

Friday, September 7th, 2012

You laugh too much,
You smile too much,
You joke too much,
As if the idea of seriousness,
Has never crossed your mind,
Seeing you as perfect,
Is not helping me to be more talkative.

Friday, September 7th, 2012

I praise God,
That my struggle is a disease,
Not a person bothering me,
Because if my joints were not a part of me,
I would certainly kill.

Friday, September 7th, 2012

When you plan to ask a question,
When you plan to speak about what's really going on,
When you plan to do everything your mind rehearsed,
But you don't.

Friday, September 7th, 2012

Sometimes the only thing,
That pushes me through the day,
Through words,
Through memories found
Shoved far down in drawers,
Through conversations that fail to
Give me any hope at all,
Is the knowledge that one day,
I can look into a child's eyes,
A child with my life written in painful joints,
And understand their tears,
And know of the pain,
And do everything I humanly can for them.

Friday, September 7th, 2012

If stupidity,
Is knowing the destination,
But stumbling over the path,
Then I am the stupidest person,
The world has ever known.

Thursday, August 30th, 2012

It's a chronic illness,
It doesn't go away,
It can disappear,
It can hide,
But is unable to run,
I don't want to find it,
Once it hides,
Because when it hides,
Its presence can't harm me.

Thursday, August 30th, 2012

Every bone,
In my weak body,
Fights against every cell,
In my mind.

Thursday, August 30th, 2012

How do I tell you,
What I need to do,
What I know I need,
What I am reluctant to ask about.

Thursday, August 30th, 2012

Sometimes I don't really know
What aspect of my arthritis
Is bothering me,
Until I have to explain
To someone in a white coat,
With a stethoscope
Around their neck.
Then I realize,
It's the things I've never discussed,
The things I've noticed,
The things I've ignored.

Thursday, August 30th, 2012

Keep trying,
It's so disappointing,
To fail myself.

Thursday, August 16th, 2012

I miss Seattle,
Hanging plants,
A water jug nurturing them,
The Public Market,
With beautiful artwork,
From hardworking artists,
I miss Seattle.

I miss Seattle,
The mist from the sound spraying,
Fish being sold on ice
In open air,
Local and wonderful people,
Liberal ideas on every corner,
I miss Seattle.

I miss Seattle,
A pink-tailed dog walking along casually,
The towering Space Needle,
A violin player
In the middle of the mall,
Electric buses,
I miss Seattle.

I miss Seattle,
All of the recycling bins,
Cruise ships embarking,
Cute little apartments
With tons of glass and bright colors,
Wet sidewalk,
I miss Seattle.

Thursday, August 16th, 2012

I lean towards productivity,
But what do you do,
When you don't know,
If something is productive or not?
How do you respond?
So many things,
I am so unsure of,
I am failing at.

Thursday, August 16th, 2012

Black petals,
Silently beautiful,
On a white canvas,
What a contrast.

For a moment,
They consume me,
I don't think,
About anything else.

Thursday, August 16th, 2012

If you gave me a choice,
I'd take it away,
I'd break it,
I'd triumph over it.

I feel useless,
While it tackles me,
I don't know this game,
I cannot win.

Wednesday, July 25th, 2012

It's been a long day,
A long day of pain,
A long day of seeking answers,
And more importantly,
A long day of frustration,
A long day of jealousy.

The kind of jealousy,
That makes you scream,
And twist your hair out,
In the early hours of the morning,
Or the late hours of the night,
It's all about perspective.

Wednesday, July 25th, 2012

The pain is indescribable,
So I won't try,
I won't give up control,
False control of course,
I have no control,
My arthritis is out of control,
That is why I'm silent.

Sunday, July 15th, 2012

Eight seconds,
I can do this,
Eight seconds until this minute is up,
But unlike the moon,
Who knows that she's going to set,
I have no confidence,
That my pain will end.

Thursday, July 12th, 2012

She clutches the tiny bowl,
It's not very deep,
She brings it back inside,
Her enormous house.

She walks to the kitchen,
Fills the bowl with milk,
Making sure that the milk is cold,
After all it is July.

The kitten is nowhere in sight,
But she knows that it lurks in shadows,
So she places the milk on the porch,
Waits by the piano inside.

Thursday, July 12th, 2012

She grabs onto a branch,
Her arm shaking violently,
It's windy and she's weak,
She continues to persist.

She looks down despite the warnings,
Sees her little brother,
His eyes wide with shock,
She's so high up!

She can see the city,
From her perch on the tree,
The sound of the cars soothes her soul,
The sound of life calms her anxiety.

Wednesday, July 11th, 2012

I can't take this anymore,
I can't even think straight,
My thoughts are jumbled,
Smile and walk,
Left and right still exist,
As far as I know,
The world is still turning,
So I'll be okay.
But what is okay?

I don't feel okay,
I feel pretty dead,
I can't even imagine,
How badly it hurts,
How crushed I feel,
If I stand up now,
Just to walk a few yards,
Will my joints give in?
I don't trust them.

Tuesday, July 10th, 2012

Wouldn't it be nice,
Just to say "no" sometimes,
And feel as though,
You weren't letting the world down?

Tuesday, July 10th, 2012

Awkward avoidance,
Please just talk.

Sunday, July 8th, 2012

It hurts.

In this quiet moment,
At 10:14 p.m.,
On July 8th, 2012,
My arthritis is killing me.

It hurts.

Sunday, July 8th, 2012

Two years of misery,
Two years of silence,
One moment of pain,
That has lasted a lifetime.

Sunday, July 8th, 2012

A letter to my ankle:
I'm sorry about my immune system,
It's confused,
And I'm sorry that I can't protect you better,
I'm sorry that you bear so much,
But we bear it together,
And I'm sorry that I haven't stuck up for you,
I know of your needs,
They're my needs too.

Sunday, July 8th, 2012

Alone staring at broken joints,
Joints that need to be fixed,
That have needed to be fixed,
For two long years,
But no one ever listens,
And when they do,
I don't talk.

Friday, July 6th, 2012

Multi-colored plates,
Don't work for everything,
And red square is scratched,
As well as the whole plate,
So the metaphor has failed,
At making its intended point,
But it's made us laugh,
And that's worth it.

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012

She ran across the courtyard,
Curls flying with the wind,
The alarm went off,
And she laughed to herself,
At the destruction she'd caused,
The rebellious girl.

The students shuffled out,
Tossing papers,
Screaming, "Fire! fire!",
And chattering obsessively,
While the rebellious girl watched,
From behind an oak tree.

A teacher cursed under her breath,
Carrying her lesson plan,
Where is the fun in her life?
The rebellious girl pondered,
Where is the sense of humor?
Where is the optimism? 

The rebellious girl moved quickly,
From behind the tree to in front of the gate,
Where she blended,
With another class,
And regained a forged innocence,
That made her smirk.

*Disclaimer: I am NOT the person who set off all of the fire alarms today at school*

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012

It's a small path,
But useful,
It's lonely,
But beautiful.

It's a torn road,
But fierce,
It's far away,
But near.

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012

Don't stare at me like that,
I'm arthritic but not ridiculous,
Just ask if you want to know,
Don't put me through a guessing game.

It's okay to wonder,
I wonder too sometimes,
You just have to take a little leap,
And we'll be across the bridge of awkwardness.

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012

Throw me away,
Feed me to the scavengers,
I am worth nothing,
I'm not perfect,
I'm not even adequate.

Toss me in the trash,
Offer my body to a waiting list,
I'll never be better,
I cannot improve,
I am beyond any speck of hope.

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012

The slam of the car door, 
The brisk of her foot against the leather, 
She'd kept it clean for years, 
Messy was a relief. 

She was done with life, 
Done with the ignorance of office cubicles, 
The New York wind had no subtlety, 
It was fierce and bold. 

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012

She clutches her life, 
She clutches her money, 
It's only the coffee,
But that'll be enough. 

She volunteered last Sunday, 
At the homeless shelter, 
And she wept with the broken, 
Deceived and poor and desperate. 

 Now she again was walking, 
Towards the homeless shelter, 
Praying that there would be volunteers, 
To help her herself. 

Tuesday, May 22nd,  2012

Real helpful everyone, 
Way to disown me, 
Way to regret your choices, 
Way to take a different path, 
But not a better one. 

Thursday, May 17th, 2012

My hands are cold,
My knees are weak,
My life was sold,
To the owner of defeat.

My ankles are sore,
My wrists are swollen,
My friends smile,
But my heart is broken.

Thursday, May 17th, 2012

"They'll find us here,
In the underbrush of the forest,
My hair's too red,
And your eyes are too bright."

"I'll close my eyes,
You tie back your hair,
I'll keep you safe,
I promise you that."

"Safe until the end,
When the sparrow soars away,
When the wave crashes,
And the songbird is silenced?"

"There will be no end,
The sparrow will stay,
The wave will be stilled,
The songbird will sing."

Thursday, May 17th, 2012

Cotton smiles,
Soggy hearts,
Spinning fingertips.

Thursday, May 17th, 2012

The clock cried tonight,
It's that time again,
When the judgments will be made,
And lives destroyed.

The clock reminds us of the pain,
It reminds us of our failure,
To be citizens,
To stick up for one another.

The clock screams and wails,
If you would only listen,
You would know the pain,
You so mercilessly caused.

Thursday, May 17th, 2012

This teardrop speaks a story,
A story of life and a story of love,
A story of pain and a story of fear,
A simple yet complex story,
This teardrop speaks a story.

Saturday, May 5th, 2012

Once more, 
Only once, 
Never again, 
Never twice. 

Twice more, 
Only twice, 
Never again, 
Never thrice. 

Thrice more, 
Only thrice, 
Never again, 
Never again. 

Saturday, May 5th, 2012

Hope for me, 
Wish for me, 
Pray for me, 
Will you?

I'll hope for you, 
Wish for you, 
Pray for you, 
I promise. 

Do you hope for me, 
Wish for me, 
Pray for me, 
Do you?

Can you hope for me, 
Wish for me, 
Pray for me, 
Can you please?

Saturday, May 5th, 2012

Run run run, 
Faster than light, 
Grabbing the stars, 
Touching the sun. 

Dance dance dance, 
Lovelier than dreams, 
Breathing the atmosphere, 
Skimming the planets. 

Sing sing sing, 
Freer than imagination, 
Gliding the black holes, 
Filling the emptiness.

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

Shady trees,
Do step into the light,
Come out of the darkness,
Your temporary home,
Your eternal failure.

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

They spin around her, 
Screaming ideas, 
Wishing for words, 
That would make her feel, 
Okay again. 

Like that's possible. 

They rub her arm, 
Hand her countless tissues, 
As she cries tears, 
Tears of frustration, 
And the unbearable pain. 
They give her the pamphlets, 
Tell her the risks, 
Like they matter to her, 
As her childhood flees, 
Like a sailboat blown by the wind. 

Like that's possible. 

Monday, April 2nd, 2012

"Where are we going?" she asks her father,
Her long curly hair flying
Dancing with the humid breeze
It was blonde just like her father's,
She was born into the ocean,
At least that's what it seems like,
She read the myths of Aphrodite,
And pretended to be her.

Her father called the boat Poseidon,
And her life consisted of herself,
And Poseidon and her father,
Who desperately needed a haircut,
As his was getting long and shaggy,
Hanging down almost past his ears,
Soon it would fall down,
To his ripped white T-shirt.

She sat on the boat with her ankles crossed,
Looking out into the stormy sea,
Eating from a bag of potato chips,
Watching her strong father
Whip all kind of ropes across the dock,
In hopes of keeping the boat upright,
As his little daughter aged only six,
Could not realize the dangers.

Wednesday, March 28th, 2012

Words: Moonbeam, enunciable, single, laughing, mordacious, avatar, and once-over.

A single moonbeam,
She felt like an avatar,
Separated from her body,
Thrust into a cruel world.

She remembered the two of them,
Laughing in their carefree way,
Nobody looked deeper into her,
Than a brief once-over.

Maybe that was why,
She felt so alone and saddened,
The word love,
Was no longer enunciable.

Mordacious animals,
Tearing her apart,
But only on the inside,
The outside looked gorgeous.

Tuesday, March 20th, 2012

The ticking of the clock,
One more minute, 
It's possible, right?
Forty seconds now, 
It happens so fast. 

Wednesday, March 14th, 2012

My family of wildflowers, 
My neighborhood of importance, 
My community of comfort, 
They celebrate the special flowers, 
Considering the storm. 

They're beautiful in their entirety, 
Together they bloom, 
Learning comfortably, 
Colorful flowers throughout
The entire park. 

The proactive wildflowers 
Directly discourage 
The local event, 
But to the wildflower children, 
It's very special. 

Monday, March 5th, 2012

As if maybe, 
Through chance, 
It might one day, 
Be labeled. 

A glimpse of hope, 
That it will join, 
The titled ones, 
One day. 

But is it really better, 
To be stereotyped, 
And termed, 
Like the others?

Never definite, 
Always spontaneous, 
No pre-existing expectations, 
Only curiosity. 

The free pick, 
The daring choice, 
The bold understanding, 
The mis-understood. 

Sunday, February 26th, 2012

Come child,
Come into the light,
Come into the goodness,
Of love.

Run child,
Run away from the wicked,
Run away from the evil,
Of death.

Saturday, February 23rd, 2012

This is my
Poetry Page
Where I will post,
My poetry.

I am a sick child,
As I have JRA,
Or as I say,
Simply arthritis.

I hope my poems
Grasp frustrated tears
From those with diseases,
And those who struggle.

Words are my paintbrush,
The sigh at night,
The jewelry box dancer,
My voice.